planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
