How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
