We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
