I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
