Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
