this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
