So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this just has baby written all over it
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
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How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Pants are for mortals
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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