This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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