he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
