We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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