I would go down on you faster than GM stock
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
