When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
