lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
