i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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