You were right. It hurts to walk today.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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