Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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