this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
