you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
