Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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