I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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