I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
