A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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