i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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