I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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