I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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