I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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