What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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