his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
