absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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