i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
