Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
