That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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