On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
