I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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