He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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