Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
