I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
