I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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