Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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