She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
