I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
time to smoke my breakfast
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The best revenge is premature balding
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
