last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
