We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
