this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
