We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
