Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
