i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
