I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
