she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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