I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
