peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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