if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
