Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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