Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
