i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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