so explain again why im purple
no
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
