Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
