Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
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Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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