I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
