Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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