Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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