Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
