..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
