i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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