I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
