Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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