so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
