some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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