The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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