I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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