I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
