Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
