Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Sponge bath it is.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
