so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
